8-Step Conflict Resolution Process

Step One: Deal effectively with Anger

You can't negotiate a good agreement if you and /or the other person are too angry to think straight or if you don't acknowledge your feelings.

Step Two: Do Your Homework (think before you approach)

How does this conflict affect each of you?

What interests or values are at stake here for each of us?

What prejudices or assumptions do we each have about the other?

What approach or style would be best here (avoid, complete, collaborate, etc.)?

If I want to collaborate, what would be the right time and place to initiate that?

Step Three: Set a Positive Tone

Invite the other person to negotiate. (Could we talk?")

State positive intentions. (I'd like to make things better between us?)

Acknowledge and validate the other person. (I can see this is difficult for you, too. Thank you for working with me on this.)

Step Four: Use Ground Rules (they may be stated or unstated)

One person talk at a time.

Work to improve the situation.

Stay calm.

Step Five: Discuss and Define the Problem

One at a time, each person shares issues and feelings.

Use effective listening and speaking techniques.

Identify interests and needs.

If necessary, discuss assumptions, suspicions, and values.

Summarize new understandings.

Step Six: Brainstorming Possible Solutions

Each person contributes ideas to satisfy interests and needs.

Don't criticize or evaluate ideas yet.

Be creative.

Use "I can..." or "We could..." rather than "You should..." or "You'd better..."

Step Seven: Evaluate and Choose Solutions

Solutions should be:

        a) mutually agreeable

        b) realistic

        c) specific

        d) balanced

Solutions should address the main interest of both parties.

Step Eight: Follow Up

Check back with each other at an agreed time and date.

If the agreement isn't working, use the same process to revise it.